Reminiscing the past

Those were the days that i was young and dumb. Enjoying the time without care for the world. With my group of friend that accept me of who am i.

I still remember when i started working at 2007, my first job, first time to make money for a living, where career, life, and family lapsing on each other. Making me choosing which are the most important. We are always choosing isn’t it?

I didn’t choose. I embraced it all. I divided my time the best as i can. Monday to friday for work, friday evening to saturday for my circle of friend, saturday evening to early morning on monday for my family.

It's funny when I remember, one time, during lunch hour, I was walking to nearby restaurants with my work colleague, when I told him, "why do I feel like my future is bleak?  Feels like I'm always under a cloud with the future is nowhere to see". 

And another time when I was calling my brother, and told him why do I feel like the world is turning on me? One of my work colleague seems like having an easy time, easy to get a new job, high paying job, even when he want to further his study also seems like it was easy going for him to get accepted to overseas University and get scholarships. While me, stuck in the same workplace with meager salary at that time.

But, when I think back, I never try the easy way. I always think a lot. My work colleague who got accepted to overseas University and get scholarship, He asked me which course of further education I was applying for because he also asked me to join him to further study at overseas. I think I was applying for some kind of electrical nuclear master degree. But I was kinda scare that it may backfire where if I fail to complete the study I may need to pay back all scholarship fee. 

I was told by him that he was applying for some kind of health and safety course. 

"Nobody apply for some hard to complete course bro when we applying for further study. Take an easy course (no offence to all HSE personnel out there) and think of it that your are on study vacation for 2 years, with your fee and having free allowance from the government"

It structed my brain. Why should I wasted some scholarships to further study at overseas if the course can be found here at my own country? And how many people that I will deny their chances to get scholarship if I proceed with this? Shouldn't the one who apply need to learn something new and bring back the knowledged back to the country so that it will justify the scholarship and bring the country forward? Feeling overwhelmed that I may not able to complete the nuclear electrical master degree course, I just drop my application even thought the University at London (I can't remember which university) already accepted my application.

Anyway, here I am now. Feeling down with the event that happened this week. I just go out, alone, with a book that I'm trying to finish to read, with my tablet to jot on this blog, at Starbucks, with a cup of americano coffee. Maybe by reminiscing the past is another way for me to ease my trouble mind.