Egoistic bastard son of a bitch

No, she didnt say that from her mouth. She just saying that i’m being Ego last night. But that is how i interpreted it. I mean, sure she won’t say more than that. But i think that is what other people look at me when that happens.

Am i an egoistic person? I think, there’s a few time i’m being called that.

Work

Once, my boss call me on the phone and told me “ you are a fine worker but you have an issue where u are ego. I know its about work, and you didn’t mean anything with it but how you talk, how you look at people, you are ego and you need to fix this”

Another time was when i was at Sandakan, where i was talking to a guy there. A friend of my was looking and after done our things there suddenly he mentioned to me that few of the workers are not happy with the way i talk.

And there was a time, when i was meeting a vendor (currently a friend of mine) in which i highlighted to him about his work presentation. Was giving some advice on how he should present it and few other stuff. His assistant, in which also bodyguard of one Dato there, feeling offended by the way i talk. From what i heard, he was asking the vendor whether he can punch me or not but being stopped by the vendor.

Friend and family

My immediate family don't have any issue with me being ego. I think they know me already

My ex-wife did told me that im such a ego person during arguments. I can’t remember how many times she say that.

My friends/homie

Asked them after i was being call by boss regarding me being ego. They laugh and asked me back, “you just realised?”

Trying not to

I don’t like to meet ego person but i didn't realise that me myself am an ego guy. Once i know, i try to improved myself. 

Talk

Instead of talking as usual, i try to become better listener and not giving instruction and advise to whoever that didn’t asked for it

Appearance

Did try to stop my resting bitch face. But hey its my own face, how could i change it. Then to reduce it, i wear a glass even though my vision is 20/20. 

I try not to. I did improved. I hear to people comment and suggestion. But that's all for working purpose. 

When i’m being scold for being ego, it was during when we are going out with our group of friend. Shit. Im so messed up. Im embarrassed. I didn't know that i’ll be back to an egoistic bastard son of a bitch like this when i’m intoxicated.

Maybe. Maybe. I’m just suit to be a loner. I should have smaller circle of friend. I shouldn’t go out with friends. Just me

- Jotting this down on my iphone in my car

It is not you who are talking now

That sentence. Really. really rub me off. Not that i have ever heard it. Normally,  my groupie, friends, my homie, they always ok with me, when me, myself, not due to other people, becoming intoxicated,

Just saying, My Ex-wife did know about this blog. Where when she found out about this blog, she did asked me when did i start to write a blog. and why i, me, wanna write everything here. Maybe it's just in my nature, when i was born as a youngest child of my late father, who was a language teacher, a poet, a journalist in his lifetime. So it seems. But seriously, im enjoying each word, each sentence. each thing that i posted in this.

But now, feeling restless, i just want to jot something down to ease my head

You, whose smile always captivated me, 

You, who i enjoyed to have conversation with,

You, who make me smile each time your text reach me.

This and that happen last night. I don't know, maybe it's me. Ya it's me absolutely.

The end of our conversation was she's scolding me, from outside the car, at the parking lot, distancing herself from me, prohibiting me from coming out from to car to go to her, and asking me to go home. With her fiery eye, and said, "it is not you who are talking now!". God.. that angry face.. that sentence.. i now realised of how a piece of shit am i.

Here i am now at my room, at my desk, in front of the window, the greenery view, with some precipitation outside. Recollecting, contemplating, about this.

I'll figure it out. I hope so.

....

Wrote this when i reached home, recollecting my conversation in the hazy reality that i was in for.

Seems like i'm a restless person, fall asleep while writing this. I'll just let this post as it is. Do i want anybody to read this? Should i publish this? Kinda embarrasing i think. But, still i'll just publish this. Such a paradoxical. 

Just Another Saturday

 Today just started just like yesterday. Just another Saturday. But it is Chinese New Year Holiday.

With great power (money), comes great responsibility

Yesterday i was sending my dear boss to the Airport as he is going back for the CNY Holiday. Not like he celebrate this new year but ya la,  3 days holiday is such a luxury for us. During the way there, we hang out at Teh Tarik Cafeteria at Satok for some coffee and Tea. He was concern for the site due to there will activity from one of the subcontractor where the wanna perform the blasting and painting work during the holiday.

"You are going nowhere, you are SINGLE, you don't have anyone to hang out with and everybody's on holiday. Can you be at Yard so that we have coverage for this holiday work? Standby and become company representative until they finished work. You choose the day and alternate with your fellow colleagues," was told by boss. So yeah, i choose to be at Yard today. The first day of CNY holiday.

Day start at 6am as usual, been snoozing my phone for once then wake up. My new recurring hobby nowadays is to strum the guitar in the morning. Not that long, maybe around 5-10minutes. Always done that while waiting the drinking water to boil for my first cup of coffee.

7Am, Engine started. its a chill day. The sky kinda cloudy, cloudy enough to make my morning gloomy. But hey, the road so far, it's empty. One perks of working during public holiday is there's no traffic jam.

Normally at Pending traffic light there will be a lotsa car where i may need 10-20 minutes to pass this junction. But today, it's flowing fluidly.

The yard. Reach the yard around 7.20am. Not a single soul was there whom i see when i reach the parking area. Seems like the crew is at canteen still having their early breakfast. Gone to my office to change to my PPE and voila! i'm good to go to the tool box talk.

Non Hectic Yard

There's me in the corner, in blue, in CNY Holiday Blues.

After finish up the TBT, i was confirming a few thing regarding the work planning for the day and update it to my Project Team Wassap Group. Also informed the crew and Safety Supervisor that i'll be at office to standby in case any urgency arise. 

This is my ship now. I’m the Captain!

The empty office, the silence of the morning, the securely cubicle, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee. Yes. another cup of coffee in the morning for me.

Everything progressing fine and dandy for the day. No emergency, No technical Query, Not even a soul looking for me at office. Nothing. Nada. I just standby here till end of working hour today at 430PM. 

Wrote this while drafting my daily report at my humble cubicle in Brooke Dockyard Sejingkat Yard

Evening stroll at Bukit Kepayan

I finished my training for safe travel by boat Course early today. Done the practical training at 4pm. Reaching my room at Promenade at 430pm. Doing nothing, and the boredom kick in. And i saw my hiking shoe. 

Why not? i asked myself. Afterall i didnt have any plan for the evening afterall. There goes me driving to Bukit Kepayan/Kopungit at 5pm and arrived there at 530pm.

The Entrance 

 About Bukit Kopungit 

- At Kepayan area 

- Around 15min from city centre. but if peak hour it will become around 30min from town 

- The higehest peak is around 100m only from starting point 

- Average 20-30m to reach the peak 

- Have a few trail. i always use 2-3 trail to complete my evening strol 

 A few of pictures during hiking up

Cliff. Probably just u guys seeing my name in papers if i fall here. lol.

Into the woods.. this is at 2nd trail. 

at the 3rd trail from Bukit Radar to the Pyramid. 7months not hiking has taken a toll for me where my heart rate increase up to 187/m.

i'll never be bored of this scenary 

Last trail.

The peak besides the Kg Kopungit. The sunset here should have been nice but the sun is hiding behind the cloud. 

A story within story: Being called by the cave 

 During my stroll at the wood, while descending, at my 2nd trail,nearby the japanese cave, i did hear some laughter from another group of hikers. While continueing my stroll at the cave, did found out the group which consist of 4 persons, 2 lads and another 2 lass. 

 "Abg!! come and join us exploring this cave!" The lad in pink trouser told me. i just smiled at them and told them to feel free to go inside as i also never been in there due to the last time i was there its already late in the evening. "u are the only guy, we only 4 girls here!" say the lass in white. Seems like that both of the lads is kinda a trans guy which i just smiled and say nothing more (who am i to judge). 

Thus, as the "only" matured, brave, good looking, fit and the most humble guy there, i did follow them to explore inside. Nothing should happen kan except a few risk of reptile and poisoinous creature. haha 

 Entrying the cave

sorry ladies i just snap picture of u guys from behind. no offences ya

 Inside the cave. - L shape inside - just around 5 meter depth - dark, but it is dry inside

Then, they want to continue to hike to uphill of the japanese cave. i just accompany this group to the peak where we found the radar station. Seeing them a bit tired and catching their breath, i just told them the shortcut to go to the pyramid peak and continue my hiking by running downhill. Pyramid Peak. 

Tired, high heart rate, thirsty. Duh, that group was there already when i reach the peak. They was using the shortcut while i hike downhill and ascending back using the trail. Told them that the other peak have a more beautiful scenary for sunset. They asked if they can follow me. 

Sure, why not? When we reach the sunset viewing peak, i told them about the village peak. Another session of downhill and uphill ascending for me. Then there is this group already at the village peak when i reach there. 

 As the sun is setting, i was going to descend but ya la, the group also follow me to descend. Safely arrived at the entrance and we part way there. Did found out that they are from same hometown at Kota Marudu and working at KK. Lily and Wong is the name i get while the other 2 i didnt asked. We just saying our farewell without exchanging contact. Anyway, its nice to meet u guys.

Wrote this while chilling at KK Waterfront

Until I found u

 U. My blogspot. Finally I found the energy to open this back.

Being contemplating whether should I write again for the past few months. So here I am. Fidgeting my tab and Mac for this.

What should I write? How should I write? I think I'll just go with my life event, who I meet. What I do, and other matters that may interested me to write again.

Hope I'll write again tonight. See u when I see u

Wrote this on this day while waiting for instructor for my Travel Safely By Boat at Sequ-Tas Kota Kinabalu

Things that we've seen in 5 years

Last post.The last time i wrote in my blog was at 2010. At that time i was kinda bz with my works, outstation here and there, etc etc. So.. was thinking i should pause my literature work in this blog for few days or a months. Suddenly, 5 years has gone.

5 Years. In 5 years, lots of things had happened. A lot of things that i think would be a good thing to post here. yeah, i think i have kinda interesting life. I hope so. Few Jobs i've done, few hobbies that i do depends on my current situation and availability, Really an eye opening for me to see the world.

How i see the world now. I think, how we see the world is different depends on our age, our work, our economy and our environment. This 5 years i've change my work place for 3 times. Done almost 5 different project for the 3 companies. Yeah, i met people. A lot of people. Different attitude, different style. Some like to fool around, some like to buy authentic things, some like sports, some of them like travelling. Me? i think i enjoy all of it. Each people interest do interested me.

My Interest. I think i can divide it to few parts. Hobby, Work, Life, People, etc. I'll write about it. From my point of view. Things that i share will be post here and things i can't will be kept just inside my mind. After all, not all the things we discover can be wrote down for everyone to read right?

How will i write my post nowadays. I think, i may stick to the "Pictorial Post" that i have mention before. I'll still post things that i think its cool for me as before and things that irritated me also will be include. After all, this blog is kinda like a journal for my life journey right?

Picure. To commemorate my comeback in blog writing, a bit of picture as follow:

2011

Hehe.. Its My First Big Bike.. ok lah..

2012

Into Cycling... Those were the days

Boys and hobbies - How i need to manage my time

2013

The Team at Pasir Gudang.. 

8 Months here.. 

Look so majestic

My First time Onboard.. The year Pahang
win Piala Malaysia after 21 years of waiting

Things that happen in 2013. We'll never forget

 2014/2015 

am not an engineer anymore..

I'll believe i'll continue my writing and i will. Still thinking on how i should wrote down my current event and the things i wanna highlight in this 5 years i have halt my writings.. 

last but not least

Wrote all this in my humble room at Fratini's Inn, Labuan

September 2015

Comment on commenters

Just browsing my facebook, and i found a video(direct to video. Not to my friend who tag this) uploaded tagged regarding a woman has been shot by police at highway. I dunno when this incident happen. Just my opinion on this;

1. A few people commented that police is not reliable, not good, trigger happy, and blah3.. I think better we stop this type of commented. There must be a reason why their car has been shot. We never know. There's too many possibility on why the incident happen. Maybe this, maybe that, but in the end, it could be rumors.

2. Another statement that i don't regarding this issue is; "polis tembak membabi buta". Please stop comment like this. Are you there when the incident happened? Yes the lady has stated it happen like this and that. But, where is the statement from the police? Seems unfair if we jump to conclusion just from the press statement.

3. lastly; please stop saying that u r always the one with good knowledge. Never said that other people opinion is not good as u r. your word looks like a bit harsh esp when you are talking about older people. Refer below commented on this;

comment from fb:
"hahahaha.should show to old intelligent ppl also.esp for those who +++++++++."
"all the tokwan2,toknek,makcik2,pakcik who fully control by them.they really un-know.so they choose un-know.they just watch +++++.but we watch ++++,++++++.we read ++++,++++,++++,++++.we need a politic.but nowadays politician make us need them."
(looks a bit political so i certain part. I'm still not ready to become a political blog :P)

Taken interested in this matter, i browse Google on the issue. I bumped into an old page regarding on the 15yr old kid that have been shot death at the beginning of the year. I'm not commenting on the case but ;

1. Commented by reader;"kasihan arwah","x patut polis tembak sesuka hati" etc... Just because this case has been raised by the family doesn't mean that we can accuse the police. They always said that they were pitying the boy family but is there any awareness on the police and his family feeling? It feels good to accused people right?

2. Another thing that i really don't like is when some people saying that this incident didn't happen to our family or else. Come on la dude. Is that kid ur son? then how come you could said out loud bout that. His family already raised the issue and the police has already been charge with this incident. So just let be a good outsider, stop commenting on everything and let the court decide k.

All above is only an opinion. I really don't like when we fellow Malaysian fighting over some issues that nobody can be sure. Peace.